Thursday, October 30, 2003

The "some time back" Syndrome

Today I spent a lot of time reading blogs and journals of other Indians . It felt good to know that they all have their minds occupied with some movies and good books . Their ages range from mid twenties to late thirties. They all have this enthusiasm and energy about things. I remember how I was like this a few years back and then I wonder what happened to me . Why did I get so involved in all the routine and mundane things of life like fights, quarrels, misunderstandings ?

I am reminded of those times in the local train in Mumbai . I used to board the train at around 9 pm. Absolutely no rush in the ladies compartment. There would be plenty of space to sit down and yet I would prefer to stand somewhere near the door, close the eyes and feel the wind on my face. For those few minutes it used to feel like heaven and so light and free.

When did I start brooding ? I was so completely different . I wanted to grow up in a completely different way than my mother . Be free , nag little, more opportunities and less restrictions, learn things and be open to ideas. And now I find myself doing just the same things that I used to loathe some time back.

I am basking a lot in the glory of the past. Who cares what I was a couple of years ago ? It is what I am now that matters. Something mellowed down that rebel inside me . I got to wake the rebel up and give it a nice shake. I have to shed this false facade that I carry around these days acting like a kid and be more like the person that I was before. I got to act before it is too late . Before I begin to forget. Who I was.

As I am writing this I realize that I am beginning to fall in love with the sound of keys as I type. Reminds me of 'Finding Forrester'.

I was feeling a lot lighter this morning . Life somehow has a way of catching up with me. But now I am not going to let it happen. Hey 'Life thing', you stay put right there by the corner. I ain't letting you come to me .

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